You can educate teens by sharing examples of healthy relationships in your own life, in television, in movies, or songs. Share your values around dating and hear what they think.
Some aspects of healthy relationships that Domestic Violence Intervention (DVI) of Lebanon County shares during presentations to teens include respect yourself and your partner, treat each other as equals, show trust rather than jealousy, resolve conflicts with open communication and not violence, allow for personal space and respect each other’s boundaries.
Many parents falsely assume their child is not at risk for dating abuse. In truth, teen dating abuse affects both males and females in all parts of the country and from all walks of life. One in10 high school students report being hit, slapped or physically hurt by his or her boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year according to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). And one in four adolescents report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse by their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Even if young people aren’t being abused themselves they know someone who is.
According to Liz Claiborne, Inc. and the Family Violence Prevention Fund, 80 percent of teens reported knowing someone who has been a victim of controlling behaviors from a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Despite the prevalence of teen dating abuse, many parents remain uninformed. Of teens who reported being victims of physical abuse only 10 percent of their parents were aware of the abuse. That may be because parents are missing the signs. Abuse can take many forms and does not always result in obvious bruises or cuts. The list of potential warning signs can help parents determine if their teen is in an abusive relationship.
Warning signs include:
- Your teen’s partner is extremely jealous or possessive. Your teen’s partner emails or texts excessively.
- You notice that your son or daughter is depressed or anxious.
- Your son or daughter stops participating in extracurricular activities or other interests.
- Your teen stops spending time with other friends and family.
- Your teen’s partner abuses other people or animals.
- Your teen begins to dress differently.
- You notice unexplained marks or bruises.
The average teen exchanges nearly 3,500 messages each month, which makes it hard for parents to distinguish between typical teen behavior and digital abuse.
A high volume of texts alone is not necessarily worrisome; it’s the nature of the texts between relationship partners that can raise concern. If there is a lot of the ‘w’ questions – where are you, who are you with, what are you doing, why are you doing it, when are you going to call me – that’s not healthy behavior. You can’t necessarily monitor the number of texts they are receiving from somebody else, but you certainly can check your phone records to see who the texts are coming from. And you can see if there is an inordinate volume from one particular person.
Parents should make a point of empowering their teens by letting them know they are entitled to respect and love and that no form of abuse is acceptable. Don’t judge, offer help. Let them know that you are concerned for their safety. Give them tangible examples of things that may be red flags without pointing fingers, calling names or judging their partner.
If a teenager won’t confide in parents be sure he or she knows there are other sources of help. Point teens to LoveIsRespect.org (the website of the National Teen Dating Violence Helpline), encourage them to call the hotline at 1-866-331-9474, or tell them to text “loveis” to 77054 for support and help from a peer advocate. Or call the DVI hotline at 717-273-7190. Confidential help is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Parents need to recognize that they are not always going to be the person that their kid’s going to talk to about a personal concern. One of the things parents can do is go into schools, make sure your school has a program on healthy relationships. Find resources in the community. Even if they are not coming to you, there may be somebody else in their life that can help them.
